"Inflated Body, Depleted Self: My Brain Lies"​- Mirror Drawing, 1996

This mirror drawing from 1996 represents a significant moment in my journey through recovery from an eating disorder. It serves as a poignant example of how body distortion can profoundly impact our self-perception, often leading us to view ourselves in ways that are neither valid nor accurate. At one of the lowest and most malnourished points in my treatment, I experienced a severe misperception of my size, believing I was approximately 60 pounds heavier than I actually was. This disconnect between mind and body and distortion due to malnourishment, created a whirlwind of confusion and distress for me, my family, and healthcare providers.

The practice of Mirror Drawings, alongside Body Mappings, falls under the umbrella of Expressive Arts and Exposure Therapies. These methodologies can be incredibly effective in addressing body distortion and dysmorphia. Through my work with a therapist, the mirror drawing process revealed the intricate cognitive and emotional challenges associated with malnourishment. It was a powerful reflection of the overwhelming emotions I was navigating—feelings of loneliness, sadness, and anger were all woven into that experience. For those interested in learning more about Expressive Arts and Exposure therapies, including Mirror Drawing and Body Mapping, I encourage you to explore further. These innovative approaches offer valuable insights and therapeutic support for individuals dealing with eating disorders. 
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• Newbridge Health, What is Mirror Exposure 
• RSU Studio, Art Therapy for Body Image 
• Anna Jongeleen, University of Alberta ​  

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"Ebbing" - Learning to Be with Feelings, 1996

​I was fortunate to work with a therapist who introduced me to the enriching world of Expressive Therapy—activities like writing, drawing, painting, and etching—alongside Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Nutrition Counseling. This integrative approach allowed me to stabilize my nutrition and energy but also nurtured an inner peace. Together, with my counsellor, we acknowledged the importance of exercising less often and with reduced intensity, to give my body the time it needed to heal and recover from physical setbacks that arose from over-exercising, such as stress fractures and electrolyte imbalances.

Through art, I discovered that excessive exercise created a false sense of security, dulling my awareness of inner cues such as hunger, emotions, and pain.  Embracing creative and present-orienting activities like drawing, etching, and gardening brought a much-desired peace and helped me to reconnect with my authentic self, recognize the value of personal boundaries and self-care, and begin to live as a whole, engaged human being again. 

This wax drawing, Ebbing, is an expression of deep grief and overwhelm, feelings of being choked off and drowning in the currents of life. Past parts, then parts, parts feeling as transparent as water - invisible and wishing to be seen but further muddied by the eating disorder. Drawing invited a slowing down - an opportunity to practice being present and to stop running from my emotions. It was only in the stillness that I could hear the grief and the parts that were hurting and needing care.  Treatment taught me to swim and to trust my capacity to survive the currents of life no matter how turbulent. We all can. When we're ready, we do. (A. Johnston, 2016)

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"A Foot Out the Door" - Heart-ache of Healing , 1996
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Recovery is a profound journey that can be both enriching and empowering, yet can also present significant challenges. The process of letting go of ingrained behaviours, rituals, and compulsions—those things we cling to for a sense of safety—can be daunting, even when we know they may be harmful to our well-being. During my treatment, I faced a critical moment four months in: a cardiac event. 

The event served as a reminder of how deeply malnutrition can affect the body: heart and brain function, gut and bone health, and hormonal and endocrine functioning. While I was committed to improving my nutrition, I continued to struggle with the tendency to misuse laxatives and over-exercise, pushing my body beyond its limits. It was as if my body were a broken arm that I kept on using. 

The experience shook me to my core. It was difficult to discuss but I found solace in drawing, it became a powerful tool for capturing and reflecting on my feelings. When I was ready, sharing my reflections with my therapist allowed me to process the weight of that event. Together, we navigated through the complexities of the experience in a way that felt safe and supportive. 

What I now call the "May St Event, not only deepened my understanding of my illness but also ignited a renewed desire to embrace life and create a meaningful future. While the road to recovery can be tough, when we commit to ourselves it can also be the promise of growth, insight, and meaningful transformation.

You can learn more about Art Therapy for trauma by visiting Psychotherapy Networker.

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"Connection" - Showing a Shift: A Series at Six Months, 1996
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Around 8-months into my eating disorder recovery, nutrition stabilized, exercise was finally gentle and brief, and my skills for self-expression, regulation, and interpersonal communication had greatly improved. I was feeling healthier, less depressed and anxious, and was feeling more connected and attuned to my body and life around me.  

I exchanged beauty and fitness magazines for books that nourished my mind and interests, enjoyed quality time with pets, friends, and nature, and activities that filled me emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Long, intense runs that had left aching and broken bones and shifted to weekly adventures at colourful gardens and quiet pine-scented forests - activities I had loved as a child but had forgotten - lifted my senses and helped me feel human again!  

These pictures capture the joy of this period of growth and increased connection. The previously broken sense of self from Ebbing is replaced by joy and a sense of oneness with the world including a reconnection, even celebration, of the whole, feminine aspects of myself - creative, playful, and free parts that I had feared and rejected following traumatic events in life.  

These drawings now resemble mature, empowered women central to the landscape, free to move and flow and nurture without fear. 

"Finding Balance"
- Second Mirror Drawing, 1997

Towards the end of my treatment, I was finding balance across life. Nutrition stabilized, body distortion shifted, I was at a healthier weight for my body's build and daily needs, and I had found ways to exercise that felt good rather than punishing. 

I was doing it; I was juggling all of the key components of recovery and had created a solid foundation for maintaining a healthy, and happier life in future!
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​You can learn more about Maintenance and the other Stages of Change by visiting,  https://nedc.com.au/eating-disorders/treatment-and-recovery/
​stages-of-change/.  

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Healthy, sustainable recovery also teaches us, empowers us, to become critical consumers of media and to appreciate     the various forms of beauty and body diversity.   

"Loss", "Anger" and "The Feeling In Joy"

​As a therapist and human, I continue 'arting' as a tool for authentic self-expression in times when words feel inadequate, heavy, or too uncomfortable to speak. Sometimes there just are no words to fit the pain, elation, or dreams within! Artistic expression empowers us to safely reveal our stories and release emotions, feelings and ideas from within. Art can be ELEMENTAL to our process of healing, continued coping and good health. As Georges Braque said, "Art is a wound turned into light". Art heals.  

For other ideas and ways to practice art therapy visit 100 Art Therapy Exercises. I hope these examples have inspired curiosity and provided a better understanding of Expressive Art and Exposure Therapy as meaningful and complementary tools for recovery through eating disorders, disordered eating, trauma, and the distressing experience of body image distortion.  
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Happy "arting" to you!

Warmly, 
Michele​

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