"A path to greater joy and freedom." 
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"Inflated Body Depleted Self: My Brain Lies"​- Mirror Drawing, 1996

​This mirror drawing from 1996 is the first of two across a year and is an example of the way that body distortion can manifest in eating disorders and cause us to see ourselves in ways that are not valid or accurate. Completed during the earlier stages of my treatment program, while at one of the lowest and most malnourished points in my recovery, my mind misperceived my size by about 60-pounds. When I looked into reflective surfaces I would see my body as 60-pounds larger than it truly was! The experience was confusing and deeply distressing for me, for my family, even for my doctor.

Mirror Drawings and Body Mappings are forms of both Expressive Arts and Exposure Therapies that can help treat body distortion and dysmorphia. Working with my therapist, the mirror drawing revealed the complex cognitive and emotional impacts of being malnourished and reflected how incredibly 'full' of emotions, loneliness, sadness and anger, I was at the time. 

To learn more about Expressive Art and Exposure therapies like Mirror Drawing and Body Mapping in the treatment of eating disorders feel free to visit these sources:  

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"Ebbing" - Learning to Be with Big Feelings, 1996
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I was fortunate to have a therapist who encouraged me to use forms of Expressive Therapy such as writing, drawing, painting, and etching, as an adjunct to CBT and Nutrition Counselling. While stabilizing meals and energy, we agreed that I needed to exercise less frequently and certainly less intensely for a while to prevent many of the injuries that my over-exercising was causing. 

On top of physical injuries, exercise also created a false sense of safety by numbing and disconnecting me from my inner experience like hunger cues, and the authentic emotions and sensations in my body. Activities like writing, drawing, painting and gardening felt soothing and helped me reconnect to my body and emotions in ways that felt safe and allowed me to begin living as a whole breathing-being-and feeling human again.  

Ebbing tells the story about my feelings of being overwhelmed - choked off from life, breathless, blue, drowning in deep feelings while working to become grounded and whole, and learning to trusting my capacity to survive the currents and swim to shore. And, I did. We do. (A. Johnston, 2016)  


 


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"A Foot Out the Door" - Heart-ache of Healing , 1996
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Recovery is enriching, empowering, informing and...Hard. Letting go of the behaviours, rules, rituals, compulsions, that we believe are helping us cope and feel safe - even when these coping skills are killing us, giving them up can feel terrifying. 

Four months into my treatment, I experienced a cardiac event. I had been working hard to balance to my nutrition but had continued misusing laxatives and over-exercising periodically, taxing and further straining my recovering body. Essentially, my body was a like broken arm but I kept using it and the bones finally said, Enough!  
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Shaken by the experience, which felt too scary and surreal to discuss, drawing allowed me to capture and sharing the event with my therapist and helped me to process the heaviness of the experience in way that felt safe, provided some understanding, meaning, and allowed me to continue moving forward in my recovery. 

To learn more about art therapy for trauma visit Psycom and this video from Psychotherapy Networker.

"Connection" - Showing a Shift: A Series at Six Months, 1996
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About 8-months into my eating disorder recovery, nutrition, exercise and skills for self-expression, regulation and communication were much improved. I was feeling healthier, less depressed and anxious and began feeling more connected to my body and the life around me.  

I exchanged beauty and fitness magazines for books that nourished my mind and interests, enjoyed quality time with pets, friends and nature, and connecting to the things that filled me emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Long, intense runs that had left bones broken and aching became adventures in local gardens and quiet pine-scented forests that lifted my senses and made me feel human again!  

These pictures capture the joy of this period of growth and increased connection. The previously broken sense of self from Ebbing is replaced by joy and a sense of oneness with the world including a reconnection, even celebration, of the feminine aspects of myself - parts that I had rejected and feared through the trauma.  

These drawings now resemble mature, empowered women central to the landscape, free to move and flow and nurture without fear. 
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"Finding Balance"
- Second Mirror Drawing, 1997

Towards the end of my treatment, I was finding balance across life. Nutrition stabilized, body distortion shifted, I was at a healthier weight for my body's build and daily needs, and I had found ways to exercise that felt good rather than punishing. 

I was doing it; I was juggling all of the key components of recovery and had created a solid foundation for maintaining a healthy, and happier life in future!
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​You can learn more about Maintenance and the other Stages of Change by visiting,  https://nedc.com.au/eating-disorders/treatment-and-recovery/stages-of-change/.  
Healthy, sustainable recovery also teaches us, empowers us, to become critical consumers of media and to appreciate the various forms of beauty and body diversity.   
"Loss", "Anger" and "In Joy"

As a therapist, I continue using art as a tool for expression when words feel too big, heavy or shameful to speak. Artistic expression empowers us to safely reveal the story and release ourselves from the feelings within it. In this, I believe that art is ELEMENTAL to our process of healing and continued health. As stated by Georges Braque, "Art is a wound turned into light". Art heals.  

For other ideas and ways to practice art therapy, visit 100 Art Therapy Exercises. I hope these examples have inspired curiosity and provided a better understanding about Expressive Art and Exposure Therapy as meaningful and complementary tools for recovery through eating disorders, disordered eating, trauma and the distressing experience of body image distortion.  
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Sending you light.

​Warmly, 
Michele